Wednesday, February 23, 2011

No Night

There is no night. Whatever the sun abandons one day, it rediscovers the next. Even when no one is looking at you, you still exist. This can be a horror, a tragedy even, or it can be the necessary bedrock of the decision to create meaning in our lives, for our lives.

All that time I spend searching for the correct word, the correct phrase--obliterated by the fiery glance from its recipient.

I thought it was unconditional love. I found out that it wasn't when the conditions changed.

I have been socialized to perform my persona for women, but I don't enjoy it. I'd rather talk to men, but I have no confidence that I can say anything they'd like to hear.

For a woman to look a man straight in the eye is halfway to agreeing to have sex with him. Or it isn't.

If you read for what happened, read the newspaper. If you'd prefer to know why, read novels.

I have all my life preferred not to tell people what happened to me, because I knew their reaction would follow a certain vector that would change my experience into black tragedy. But that was not how it felt to me.

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